It turns out that my disabled brother is a kindness magnet, and he is living out his life’s purpose with dignity and pride. And he’s teaching us how to act like God.
Thanks for this positive and personal article. I understand being a father of an autistic child. He is mildly autistic, a one in three level classification, but has had and still has differences and challenges. The most important and difficult was becoming toilet-trained. We had to change his adult diapers until he was finally able to use the bathroom at nine years old. He did not attend school until he was seven, not because he didn't want to, but because schools did not want to change his diaper. At seven, we thought we had finally got him to a public school that would accept him, and on the third day, they tried to force him to sit on the toilet. He was terrorized and refused to return to school, even though he wanted to go to school. The school system refused to transfer him to another school for the rest of the school year. Our family's lawyer was contacted for help, and he mentioned that his grandson was autistic and attended a private school that totally accepted him. The next school year, he started attending this school and still does. One year after attending, he started using the toilet. He is now 15 and brilliant in math and loves languages. He became friends with our lawyer's grandson and many other kids. His classmates all accept that he is a bit different but still love him. He is also very kind, and when his class went on a field trip to a museum, without being asked, he helped a classmate who is also autistic and does not do well in new surroundings, holding his hand throughout the tour of the museum. He taught his classmates and his teachers what it means to be kind to others!
Amazing, moving story! Your son is such a hero, not letting these setbacks crush his spirit and being able to show such kindness to others, even those who might, at some point, tried to shame him. Thanks for sharing.
We all have the “super power” to be kind and compassionate every moment of our day. So wonderful to hear about people who chose to be both when they had the opportunity!
This is beautiful, Rabbi. In these dark times, this brought tears of love and gratitude to my heart for you, for your brother Mark, and for all the people whose small acts mean so very much.
Rabbi Hammerman, thank you for sharing this story. I, too, have a mentally disabled brother named John. Because of his disease he is mentally present only part of the time. Bruce (John's former disabled & KIND roommate) and I take John out of his locked ward weekly for lunch. Yesterday our visit was wonderful and we talked of old and very pleasant family memories.
Thanks, Miranda, for helping to explain how what RFK and Trump consider a wasted life can yield unexpected blessings. In a strange way, sometimes I am a little envious (which is totally selfish and unfair) of those, like my brother and yours, who only see the best in human nature, who never have to watch the news, who have no idea who Trump is or who Nazis are or what the Holocaust was. My brother’s burdens are heavier than mine, but they are focused completely on the task at hand - though he does have a keen memory and there are things that definitely trigger him, like a hospital and needles. But our visits are also very pleasant, like yours, and I feel blessed to experience the best of human nature when I’m with him. In a similar vein, because I’m a rabbi and people around me typically know that, they are usually on their best behavior - suppressing any latent antisemitism that may lurk beneath the surface.
When my husband and I were both using walkers, I was amazed at the number of people who opened doors for us at stores or offices. We lived in multicultural California; we are white; it didn't matter what color our helpers were, they treated us as as grandparents. Now that I'm widowed and using a wheelchair, people give me the right-of-way even when I'm quite able to wait (sitting--probably less tired than they are) in line. I'm thankful for people who treat your brother the same way. I do think having gray, or white, hair, helps call out the good people.
Thanks, Debby. I think these simple acts of kindness are underappreciated but indispensable. . They are the invisible moral plankton that are essential building blocks to all life on earth.
Such a beautiful story about Mark and the many strangers he has inspired to perform acts of kindness. In my experience (maybe because in my neighborhood too many people walk with heads bowed over their phones), too few of us even really see others.
Thanks for this positive and personal article. I understand being a father of an autistic child. He is mildly autistic, a one in three level classification, but has had and still has differences and challenges. The most important and difficult was becoming toilet-trained. We had to change his adult diapers until he was finally able to use the bathroom at nine years old. He did not attend school until he was seven, not because he didn't want to, but because schools did not want to change his diaper. At seven, we thought we had finally got him to a public school that would accept him, and on the third day, they tried to force him to sit on the toilet. He was terrorized and refused to return to school, even though he wanted to go to school. The school system refused to transfer him to another school for the rest of the school year. Our family's lawyer was contacted for help, and he mentioned that his grandson was autistic and attended a private school that totally accepted him. The next school year, he started attending this school and still does. One year after attending, he started using the toilet. He is now 15 and brilliant in math and loves languages. He became friends with our lawyer's grandson and many other kids. His classmates all accept that he is a bit different but still love him. He is also very kind, and when his class went on a field trip to a museum, without being asked, he helped a classmate who is also autistic and does not do well in new surroundings, holding his hand throughout the tour of the museum. He taught his classmates and his teachers what it means to be kind to others!
Amazing, moving story! Your son is such a hero, not letting these setbacks crush his spirit and being able to show such kindness to others, even those who might, at some point, tried to shame him. Thanks for sharing.
Rabbi Hammerman, thank you for reminding us of timeless values and fraternal love.
Rabbi Hammerman,
This was a beautiful story and essay!
We all have the “super power” to be kind and compassionate every moment of our day. So wonderful to hear about people who chose to be both when they had the opportunity!
Thank you for all your wonderful writings.
Amy Krinick Green
Thanks for YOUR kindness, Amy. No one compelled you to add so much to my day!
This is beautiful, Rabbi. In these dark times, this brought tears of love and gratitude to my heart for you, for your brother Mark, and for all the people whose small acts mean so very much.
Thanks so much, Rae-ann. You've done so many things to being joy to others, and this is one of them.
Rabbi- thanks for this beautiful essay.
Thanks so much!
Rabbi Hammerman, thank you for sharing this story. I, too, have a mentally disabled brother named John. Because of his disease he is mentally present only part of the time. Bruce (John's former disabled & KIND roommate) and I take John out of his locked ward weekly for lunch. Yesterday our visit was wonderful and we talked of old and very pleasant family memories.
Thank you for what you do...
Thanks, Miranda, for helping to explain how what RFK and Trump consider a wasted life can yield unexpected blessings. In a strange way, sometimes I am a little envious (which is totally selfish and unfair) of those, like my brother and yours, who only see the best in human nature, who never have to watch the news, who have no idea who Trump is or who Nazis are or what the Holocaust was. My brother’s burdens are heavier than mine, but they are focused completely on the task at hand - though he does have a keen memory and there are things that definitely trigger him, like a hospital and needles. But our visits are also very pleasant, like yours, and I feel blessed to experience the best of human nature when I’m with him. In a similar vein, because I’m a rabbi and people around me typically know that, they are usually on their best behavior - suppressing any latent antisemitism that may lurk beneath the surface.
When my husband and I were both using walkers, I was amazed at the number of people who opened doors for us at stores or offices. We lived in multicultural California; we are white; it didn't matter what color our helpers were, they treated us as as grandparents. Now that I'm widowed and using a wheelchair, people give me the right-of-way even when I'm quite able to wait (sitting--probably less tired than they are) in line. I'm thankful for people who treat your brother the same way. I do think having gray, or white, hair, helps call out the good people.
Thanks, Debby. I think these simple acts of kindness are underappreciated but indispensable. . They are the invisible moral plankton that are essential building blocks to all life on earth.
Such a beautiful story about Mark and the many strangers he has inspired to perform acts of kindness. In my experience (maybe because in my neighborhood too many people walk with heads bowed over their phones), too few of us even really see others.
Maybe they want to, but something just keeps getting in the way. Thanks for sharing!